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someone asked me
what is it i really wanted
took a long pause n said
i want nothing yet everything
nothing means everything
but yes i still want everything
decided to walk home from hostel
not knowing the way
letting my feet take me where they wana go in the
cold that makes my skin freakishly discoloured
im finding comfort in the weirdest thing
i demanded pasta n coke the moment i awoke today
i come home everyday
sit down on the f dirty carpeted floor w the heater facing me
heater dries my skin n lenses
i still do it nonetheless
my bangs lasted a pathetic one week
i love the sweet aftertaste of little creatures on my tongue
now everyone has an excuse to have a beer belly
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its such a paradoxical that before i left
i was wailing, sobbing at the slightest thing
thinking i'd miss everything i've been so comfortable with
the bestest pals n even the ex sent me off
i dropped by gucci with so little time on my hands
came out within 20seconds to get ciggos for my friend
our names got called out at the aiport
ran after plane
to encapsulate it all,i left heavy-hearted
reached here feeling liberated
im thankful for the space i have now
so god damn pleased, i don't intend to get home
school has been very boring
im trying to lie to myself that tuts would be better
but just who am i to kid
received emails from my parents
very touching stuff
i feel very unfilial for not adding my mother back on fb
asked to remove her account
cos i needed my space
if i stalk
o you just haven't met my mother
another very very long email came in from my bf i broke up with a few days ago
he wants a reply
and im staring right at my screen
mind's blank
maybe a few drinks tonight would definitely help

* * *
phone lost on tuesday, it's saturday now
4 nights of sub-consciously dreaming and waking up over the same issue
who stole my phone?
i realise it's a thing that i need to know everything
it may be a rhetorical question
or a yes or no answer kinda question
answers that i have already formed in my head
yet i need to know

i believe that it was an insider job that my phone got stolen
i'm suspecting you cos i've every right to
why? why me? why my phone?
are you that hard up for cash to buy clothes from topshop?
for i will never, never trust anyone thanks to you
the fact that i need to know everything
seems a little overbearing
like why you had breakfast with her when you told me you'd never wana meet her
ooops, was i too gullible
to be trusting your words too?

* * *
i draw my curtains when i'm in my room
i seldom see the sun
i feel nauseous after seeing my favourite chicken
which i long to eat every single time
my head's spinning
and no, i'm not gona rely on the pills

god, are these the syndromes of having a migraine

* * *
i finally caught the last epi of lil nonya after 3weeks
whilst consuming my not too appetising speg with a whole can of mush
i woke up, deleted msges off my phone one by one
that i would be so reluctant to do so
i logged unto fb
deleted people away
removed tags of myself
and now, im feeling contented with my spoon stuck in the pint of icecream frm icecreamchef
as im typing this
* * *
* * *
life's good
my 3rd day of rest.
goodbye internship
cos you'r not the boss of me now
let's jst not think
ever ever
* * *
would you rather:
not show for the person you care for
not care for that person but show you do
mygod, i love my guest fr giving me a surprise gift
i'l pop by the hotel to receive it
and send an email sayin thankyou and a smile
* * *
every new year
people make resolutions to
change aspects of themselves they believe are negative
this year
i challenge you to a new resolution
i challenge you to just be yourself
-aisha elderwyn


* * *
so i'd thot i should say smth too
with no sides taken at all
bcos of two,
another two thought so
is being friends jst so difficult
without having to judge
read what you type
iv always knew our friendship was built on superficiality
but somehow that's better than this
washing of dirty linen in public
* * *
bcos im really happy
i had dessert at changiv in the wee hours
bcos of that,
im gna smile the whole day thru!

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