forboxerskatie

someone asked me
what is it i really wanted
took a long pause n said
i want nothing yet everything
nothing means everything
but yes i still want everything
 
decided to walk home from hostel
not knowing the way
letting my feet take me where they wana go in the
cold that makes my skin freakishly discoloured
  
 
im finding comfort in the weirdest thing
i demanded pasta n coke the moment i awoke today
i come home everyday
sit down on the f dirty carpeted floor w the heater facing me
heater dries my skin n lenses
i still do it nonetheless
my bangs lasted a pathetic one week
i love the sweet aftertaste of little creatures on my tongue
now everyone has an excuse to have a beer belly

its such a paradoxical that before i left
i was wailing, sobbing at the slightest thing
thinking i'd miss everything i've been so comfortable with
the bestest pals n even the ex sent me off
i dropped by gucci with so little time on my hands
came out within 20seconds to get ciggos for my friend
our names got called out at the aiport
ran after plane
to encapsulate it all,i left heavy-hearted
reached here feeling liberated
im thankful for the space i have now
so god damn pleased, i don't intend to get home
 
 
school has been very boring
im trying to lie to myself that tuts would be better
but just who am i to kid
  
received emails from my parents
very touching stuff
i feel very unfilial for not adding my mother back on fb
asked to remove her account
cos i needed my space
if i stalk
o you just haven't met my mother
  
another very very long email came in from my bf i broke up with a few days ago
he wants a reply
and im staring right at my screen
mind's blank
maybe a few drinks tonight would definitely help

phone lost on tuesday, it's saturday now
4 nights of sub-consciously dreaming and waking up over the same issue
who stole my phone?
i realise it's a thing that i need to know everything
it may be a rhetorical question
or a yes or no answer kinda question
answers that i have already formed in my head
yet i need to know

i believe that it was an insider job that my phone got stolen
i'm suspecting you cos i've every right to
why? why me? why my phone?
are you that hard up for cash to buy clothes from topshop?
for i will never, never trust anyone thanks to you
 
the fact that i need to know everything
seems a little overbearing
like why you had breakfast with her when you told me you'd never wana meet her
ooops, was i too gullible
to be trusting your words too?

 

i finally caught the last epi of lil nonya after 3weeks
whilst consuming my not too appetising speg with a whole can of mush
i woke up, deleted msges off my phone one by one
that i would be so reluctant to do so
i logged unto fb
deleted people away
removed tags of myself
and now, im feeling contented with my spoon stuck in the pint of icecream frm icecreamchef
as im typing this

if my memory doesnt fail me,
my bff said her ideal partner would be one who would
walk down the bittercold streets hands in hand, sipping on coffee?
who would head to the supermarket with her and if there were 6bags in total,
her partner would carry 4, needless to say, the heaviest 4
and she'd be most content with the 2 light ones (:
 
 
and i began thinkin of my ideal;
im gna be totally honest
like to the point me baring my heart out
even when his kittycat died an hour ago
and he's crying buckets o'er it
i wouldnt say im sorry to hear that
cos i hated that kittycat
 
so after a weekish of insomnia
im sleeping really well now
2 consecutive nights,you appeared in my dreams
/reaching the unreachable

ohmygod
mom woke up too late to head to church in time
barged into my room
exclaiming it's 10ish
told her i didnt manage to slp the whole night
and many thanks to my neighbour's rooster
that cocks? at 7am, snoozing every 5,10,15mins thereafter
since when did someone own a rooster here?
trust me, im gona monitor the sounds and have it slaughtered
ok, so i totally forgot bout church
the once a year affair
tho i made a pact with god that if he let me slp and with santa n rudolf's help;kill the rooster for me
it'll be faster that i'd meet him in church
oh wells, that was before i managed to get some rest
so mom obediently went back to bed
it's 1152am, everyone's still in bed but me
thanks to another neighbour who pressed the bell consecutively
i peeked out the peepinghole only to spot a hamper in her hands
and walked back to my room
thats what i do.
i dont open the door to strangers
im rly weird.
it'l be a matter of time that she comes in agn
saying it's 12
and we'r late for our next appointment

these 2days have been great, with caps G
i like idling my life away
my pal added that iv become darn an auntie
i like this feelin
of wakin up n straight after breakfast,
cleaning the house
doin the laundry all by hand
listening to some chinese radio station
gg out just to get meals for my dad n i
comin home to search high n low for that china spoon
to hav the chink feelin whilst havin my porridge
ok n headin to mango by myself
with my player in my ears
gettin the exact same col n design of bottoms
just that one is prolly 6.8cm longer than the other
i know im gettin weird
not talkin to anyone, cept a 'thank u' to the cashier

so our cooking session has been put off
all cos my sense of taste n smell have been impaired severely
told her she could even stuff mean things in my food
and i'l still consume it the same
it could be due to the bad weather
and that im in tears everytime i think of mommy yeo
im counting down, another 14 days till she's back frm states
 
 
so alright i went shopping ytd w/ p
wanted to go xmas christmas fr the lved ones n myself
told myself i had to get smth
or else when's the nxt time i could go shoppin?
(they seldom give me offs on weekends yo)
ended up with nth
despite the sales everywher
mayb i'll just get the k.s bag to content myself